I often hear friends talk about their ‘stresses’, the things that keep them up at night. I often join in the fun. Makes me feel better. Temporarily. It seems to me that this is a regular occurrence in modern life amongst friends. To discuss and openly share our worries. To be open about the things that keep us up at night or indeed keep us on high alert during the day. But is this healthy?

I have found that in recent times, women in particular, tend to not only carry these worries or stresses but also opt to openly share them. While at first thought, this may seem to most of us as a positive phenomenon, and indeed I do in some ways agree, it has occurred to me recently that it may not be as good for us as we may think. Indeed, we have come a long way since the 1950s when women were afraid to share their real thoughts for fear of judgement by their friends and female counterparts. There has been much progress in the way we communicate with one another.

I wonder if perhaps this is from the realisation that we can be not just friends with females but also with the males in our circles. And let’s face it, males (although I know I am generalising here) have a different and more straightforward way to communicate. And so, I think the impact of becoming closer to males for more than romantic encounters has meant that we have started to become more confident in who we are as a species. As contributors to humanity and to society. This has resulted in our ability to express ourselves more clearly and succinctly (although our male friends may disagree with that statement!). And so these days, we tend to be more open, more authentic and more comfortable in sharing our not so perfect lives. Including our fears and indeed everything that is going wrong in our lives. Now, the social media judges may be thinking

“Hold on, all we see is your positive and amazing lives through your Instagram or Facebook accounts. What are you talking about?!”

And they are right of course. It is evident that women in particular post positive aspects of their lives on social media more so than the reality of their everyday life. The thoughts, worries and negative aspects of their lives are almost without exception, reserved for their face to face encounters. We now meet our friends to share our sadness, our sorrows, our extreme reality. Almost exclusively, we meet face to face to talk about the negatives in our lives balancing our social media greatness. Not surprisingly, you can only get to know the real us when you connect with us via social media AND meet us face to face.

I have recently been on a few coffees and lunches with some girlfriends and I came away feeling lower in my mood than when I met them. Why? Because all we shared were our hardships. And it made me think, when we have coffee or lunch:

“Isn’t it time we start to share our joy and celebrate rather than offload negative thoughts?”

Perhaps we could instead talk about the future, to inspire each other and to relive the good times — even if we have already shared them with our filtered pics on Instagram. As we continue to evolve and continue to understand what makes us happy, and what gives us meaning, we may be better off focussing on these 3 simple things:

1. Share the joy in our lives — No more negative talk… or at least, don’t make it the only topics of conversation. Let’s talk about the areas in our lives that add value, that make a regular positive difference in our life. Perhaps by sharing this, we can almost relive it, ensure we don’t forget it and give our friends a kick start to finding joy for themselves.

2. Celebrate our successes together — Next time you have a group of friends together, make a pact to talk about the awesome things you have accomplished. Let’s not be scared to celebrate. Hiding behind a nice pic on social media has supported a woman’s lack of confidence in shouting about her achievements. Let’s be brave and realise our friends care enough about us to want to hear our successes.

3. Look to tomorrow as an opportunity — Rather than fearing what tomorrow may bring, instead let’s focus on the possibility. Let’s ask questions of each other to understand each other’s dreams and ambitions. In the same way we give advice to the ‘problems’ in our lives, let’s help each other in reaching our goals and realise that tomorrow is a new opportunity, each and every day.

I believe that having the time and the people around you to get together and share our life is precious. Finding meaning in our lives starts with appreciating and cherishing those friendships. While it may, on occasion, be good to ask for advice and share our sadness or our load, for the most part, it may be more fruitful to switch it up and give our friendships the positive boost they deserve.

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